Hey, thanks the edits. Not keen on passive voice, are you? = ) I used to try to avoid it all the time, but sometimes it just seems to make nicer sentences. I'll try not to overdo it, though.

Thanks for catching the two adjacent instances of "started to." I'll definitely go back and fix that.

If it were Flint or Reuben I'd correct the grammar in their dialog, but for Devon I'll let it slide, I think. = )

I'm not planning to replace all or even most of the "saids," but I do have rather a lot of them, so I thought a few of them could go. I won't go overboard with it, though. I have mixed feelings about action tags. They often read weird to me.

Definitely not a bad thing to remind people of Good Omens. = ) I'm glad you enjoyed reading this part enough to want to check out the other parts... sorry in advance that I wasn't able to make part 3 as amusing, but real life kinda got in the way.

Thanks again for taking the time to read this and make your suggestions. I'll definitely tweak a few things based on what you said.