Thanks, I appreciate you taking over. Thanks for all of your comments, corrections, and suggestions. Even if I disgree with some of them, others are very helpful.
I hadn't realized how many times I used the word "eat." I'll definitely consider changing a few of those.
People really seem to have it in for "...which may help to illustrate his priorities." Do you think it's really that obvious that I only mentioned his count of the plant specimen to show his priorities? I thought readers might wonder if the plant was important, or wonder why I mentioned it if I didn't explain why I brought it up.
Why do you think "Island" should be capitalized? "Island" isn't part of the name of the island. Am I missing something?
Your issue with me lumping Devon into the rivalry reveals a failure on my part to adequately fill in readers who didn't read episode 2. Devon didn't think much of Teiger after even a very brief meeting, and promised the professors that he'll do everything he can to make sure they beat Teiger. I guess the rivalry is professional for the professors and personal for Devon, in a way.
I agree with you about the paragraph that starts off talking about three days of setbacks. I'll definitely tweak that one.
As to your final point, I thought it was important to let the readers know that Devon couldn't have heard him, both so they'd know exactly how frustrated he is, and because it explains why he doesn't get an answer. That doesn't change the fact that you're right, and it just bogs down that paragraph. I'll have to do something about that one.
Feel free to keep going with the edits if you have the time and feel so inclined. I appreciate the time you put into this and all of your suggestions.
Re: Editor!
I hadn't realized how many times I used the word "eat." I'll definitely consider changing a few of those.
People really seem to have it in for "...which may help to illustrate his priorities." Do you think it's really that obvious that I only mentioned his count of the plant specimen to show his priorities? I thought readers might wonder if the plant was important, or wonder why I mentioned it if I didn't explain why I brought it up.
Why do you think "Island" should be capitalized? "Island" isn't part of the name of the island. Am I missing something?
Your issue with me lumping Devon into the rivalry reveals a failure on my part to adequately fill in readers who didn't read episode 2. Devon didn't think much of Teiger after even a very brief meeting, and promised the professors that he'll do everything he can to make sure they beat Teiger. I guess the rivalry is professional for the professors and personal for Devon, in a way.
I agree with you about the paragraph that starts off talking about three days of setbacks. I'll definitely tweak that one.
As to your final point, I thought it was important to let the readers know that Devon couldn't have heard him, both so they'd know exactly how frustrated he is, and because it explains why he doesn't get an answer. That doesn't change the fact that you're right, and it just bogs down that paragraph. I'll have to do something about that one.
Feel free to keep going with the edits if you have the time and feel so inclined. I appreciate the time you put into this and all of your suggestions.