fiction - brigits_flame - feeling

[hwango]

"How can I help you, sir?"

"My laptop keeps crashing. And even when it does work, it's gotten really slow. It's not that old, though, so I was wondering if it might be a virus or something."

"Okay, I can certainly help you with that. Let me just start it up and run some diagnostics. Here we go...hmm...tell me, sir, do you ever shout at your machine?"

"What?"

"Your computer - do you ever shout at it?"

"I don't see how it's any of your business."

"I understand sir, but I'm merely trying to assist you, and I can't help noticing that your computer is very, very sad. I was wondering if perhaps you might have inadvertently hurt its feelings. That could certainly explain its poor performance."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your computer, sir. According to this, the operating system you're running imbues the machine with basic emotions. In fact, you have the Premium Edition Advanced Plus, which also includes a rudimentary soul."

"That's ridiculous."

"Not at all, sir! Computers are getting more sophisticated all the time!"

"But why would I even want my computer to have a soul? Or emotions, for that matter?!"

"Sir, I'm afraid that progress isn't about giving people things that they want."

"This is insane!"

"Now there's no need to get agitated, sir. Though I want to reassure you that shouting at me will not have a negative impact on the quality of my service today. I work in customer service, so as a defensive measure my feelings are currently switched off."

"..."

"Ah, the diagnostic is finished. Yes, it's as I suspected. Your computer is simply very, very sad. It feels unappreciated and wrongfully blamed for the distress you feel, since much of what you complain about is actually the result of software issues. I would recommend that when something upsets you that you properly articulate who you blame, and reassure the machine that you know it's not its fault. Maybe give it a hug now and then - just like this."

"..."

"Here you go. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"...no. No, I think I'm good."

"Glad to hear it! Have a wonderful day, sir. ...jerk."