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Good evening. I am speaking to you tonight to address the recent allegations that I have "gone mad with power." I want to assure you that I have not.
Did I deploy a giant robot to chase after some bank robbers? Yes, I did. They were armed and dangerous, and we have a zero tolerance policy against crime in this city.
Did I deploy a giant robot to deal with a rabid raccoon? Yes, I did. Rabies is no joke. Even in this modern age of medical miracles, rabies can be fatal if it is not treated promptly, and that treatment is extremely painful and unpleasant. Swift, decisive action was clearly necessary.
Did I deploy a giant robot when someone parked in my personal parking space? Yes, I did. That parking space is clearly marked, and there were plenty of open spaces in the secondary lot. I know for a fact that there were, because I had to park there when I discovered that someone had taken my space, and then I had to walk all the way to my office from that lot in the rain just because SOMEONE decided that they didn't have to follow the rules and could park in a space CLEARLY RESERVED FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Well, they won't make that mistake again, once they either buy a new car or manage to get their old one back from the moon somehow.
My fellow citizens, our city is extremely fortunate to have a resource like Ultrabot at our disposal. Not using that resource and letting it just sit in its secret underground bunker gathering dust is a waste of taxpayer dollars. If you were in my position, I have no doubt that you would not hesitate to press that magnificent red button and send hundreds of tons of metal screaming across the sky to do your bidding. And you would always keep that button close at hand.
Always.
I look forward to completing the remaining 723 days of my two-year term as your mayor without further aspersions being cast upon my character. Thank you.
Did I deploy a giant robot to chase after some bank robbers? Yes, I did. They were armed and dangerous, and we have a zero tolerance policy against crime in this city.
Did I deploy a giant robot to deal with a rabid raccoon? Yes, I did. Rabies is no joke. Even in this modern age of medical miracles, rabies can be fatal if it is not treated promptly, and that treatment is extremely painful and unpleasant. Swift, decisive action was clearly necessary.
Did I deploy a giant robot when someone parked in my personal parking space? Yes, I did. That parking space is clearly marked, and there were plenty of open spaces in the secondary lot. I know for a fact that there were, because I had to park there when I discovered that someone had taken my space, and then I had to walk all the way to my office from that lot in the rain just because SOMEONE decided that they didn't have to follow the rules and could park in a space CLEARLY RESERVED FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Well, they won't make that mistake again, once they either buy a new car or manage to get their old one back from the moon somehow.
My fellow citizens, our city is extremely fortunate to have a resource like Ultrabot at our disposal. Not using that resource and letting it just sit in its secret underground bunker gathering dust is a waste of taxpayer dollars. If you were in my position, I have no doubt that you would not hesitate to press that magnificent red button and send hundreds of tons of metal screaming across the sky to do your bidding. And you would always keep that button close at hand.
Always.
I look forward to completing the remaining 723 days of my two-year term as your mayor without further aspersions being cast upon my character. Thank you.
