fiction - brigits_flame - smoke and mirrors

[hwango]

Note: So, um...the idea I finally went with wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows in the first place, but this still turned out even bleaker than I planned. Hopefully I can get my whimsy working again by the next time I need to write something. Also, this might be upsetting for religious readers.

--

Osa smiled. Paradise was, it should go without saying, perfect. Otherwise, what would be the point? It was beautiful, serene, and nothing ever went wrong. Osa made sure of it.

Osa's work to maintain that perfection was not particularly difficult. The very nature of Paradise made it disinclined towards misfortune. In fact, Paradise probably would have remained perfect even without his attentions if only mortal souls hadn't started appearing in it. Still, they were a burden that he bore without complaint. The place had been made for them in the first place, after all.

The mortal souls called Osa and his fellow caretakers 'angels,' which was as good a name as any. He tried to have as little contact with them as possible. This also was not particularly difficult, since there were relatively few of them in Paradise, and new ones appeared only rarely.

With the gentle flickering of light that marked the movements of the caretakers, Alu appeared next to him. "We have a problem," she said.

It was an idea so preposterous that Osa thought he must have heard incorrectly – something which was equally impossible. She interpreted his stunned pause as an invitation to continue.

"Information has been leaked. The mortals know the divine will of The Creator."

"That is not a problem. A hint now and then to the righteous is hardly –"

"No, I mean one of the caretakers revealed the whole of The Creator's will. To a crowd. Already, word of it is spreading."

If Osa had a heart, surely it would have stopped. This was appalling news. The path to Paradise was supposed to be open only to those few whose spiritual and moral maturity made them deserving of such a reward. But now some reckless fool had given the mortals a complete map of what to do and how to act? Now…

"Any idiot will be able to get here," Osa said in true horror.

"Estimates suggest that within a few years we may have hundreds, possibly thousands of mortal souls in Paradise," Alu said.

The very idea was staggering. Could angels cry? Osa feared he was about to find out.

"We must…we must do something!" he said. Alu said nothing. "What can we do?!"

"Perhaps it is not as bad as we fear. Perhaps the mortals will not believe." Alu said. Osa waved his hand dismissively.

"Don't be absurd. A message directly from a divine being? Of course they will… believe…" Osa said, his words trailing off as inspiration struck.

"What is it?" Alu asked.

"Disinformation. Hide the truth in an ocean of lies. It will not stop the flood, but should slow it down," Osa said. Alu was aghast.

"You mean…speak to the mortals ourselves? And lie to them?" she said.

"It should correct the balance. The truly deserving will penetrate the lies and see the true path, and the weak will succumb to…false prophets." These last words felt strange on his lips. They were words that were never meant to go together.

"What would we say?" Alu asked. Her tone made it clear that she meant the question as an objection.

"Make something up. Appeal to their baser instincts to make it sound appealing, but don't stray too far from the truth. We must make certain that it isn't too easy to distinguish the correct choice."

Alu looked sick. "What you propose is monstrous."

"No, what I propose is a way to save Paradise," Osa retorted. "How long do you think it will remain Paradise if it is flooded with the undeserving? Should we allow those who have lived lives of impeccable virtue to have their reward diminished? It is the will of The Creator that they have Paradise. What we do will serve that end."

Alu vanished. Osa was uncertain she would do as he had suggested. He admitted that the idea felt…wrong. Still, he could think of no other solution.

Osa set his mind to work creating a message that was both pleasing and convincing even as he searched the mortal world for a suitable messenger. It would have to be someone charismatic enough to sway the weak-willed away from the true path.

There – that one would do. Osa hesitated, unsure of himself now that the moment was upon him. He looked out across the perfection he was working to save and steeled his resolve. What did it matter how many mortals he doomed, so long as Paradise endured?

Osa created a messiah. The first of many.

In the grand scheme of things, it did not take long for him to discover the full consequences of what he had done. "False prophet" was not the only idea that he had created. There was also "holy war," among others. He looked at what people did to one another in the name of his lies, or even to eradicate them, and was sickened by guilt.

It turned out that angels could indeed weep after all.

Comments

Re: I'm not your editor, but sometimes I get so excited I can't help myself.

[innana88.livejournal.com]

Oh, it didn't disappoint! This piece is one of the most exciting things I've read in this community.

I can't give you a play by play of how to do it. It was YOUR humor that I found so great. I wouldn't want to impose on that.

What you started to create was a downright absurd characterization of the divine beings, people, religiosity, and of Paradise itself. The absurdity was then abandoned. A disinformation campaign is absurd. When you got to the false prophet idea, though, which could be an absurd idea, suddenly things just seemed plain old serious and on their way to becoming tragic.

How could you write Osa in more of an absurd light? How could you characterize the people that threaten to get into heaven if this is NOT done? Right now, it seems a bit like he's just a bad guy who made a stupid choice. How can you use absurdity to make his goal of protecting Paradise completely rational to him and perhaps irrational to the reader, even while she gets that this is teh most rational thing for the character to do?

Throw some sort of wacky curveball into the piece and then try to write the characters around it. Even if you don't keep that, you'll have an idea of how to work with the characters and the storyline in a more humorous context.

I think that this would need to be expanded a lot to be able to have the full effect. The creation of a foil would help you a lot. You could juxtapose the one making the absurd decisions with someone who can see a bit of what is coming. Maybe this person finally walks away from Paradise in the end.

I don't have any clear answers for you. I'm just trying to think of how to get your wheels spinning.

And if you haven't read Catch-22, that book might help you out as well. Terry Pratchett's Thud! might also. Both books deal with not-funny themes in a satirical, funny, and thought-provoking, gut-grabbing way.

Good luck! If you do revise this one, I'd love to see where you take it! I hope you do. It's wonderful.

Re: I'm not your editor, but sometimes I get so excited I can't help myself.

[hwango.livejournal.com]

Not to worry, I wasn't asking for detailed instructions of what to do, just trying to make sure I understood what you were recommending in general.

I seem to recall trying to read Catch-22 when I was much younger. I'll be sure to give it another shot now that I'd have a chance of understanding it. I have indeed read Thud! (and of course its companion book, "Where's My Cow?"). Pratchett has indeed tackled some weighty issues over the years.

Re: I'm not your editor, but sometimes I get so excited I can't help myself.

[innana88.livejournal.com]

I know I threw a lot of concrit at you, but I do hope you realize that this is because I thought this was so incredible and original. Seriously. This friggin' rocks my socks.