You know, I stopped just before I read your example and went to go over the story again myself and see how invasive the adverbs really were. I thought things seemed fine right up until I got to that same sentence you mention. Yeah, wow, there are too many of them in there. "Manically" can certainly go, and I could construct the last part of the sentence differently to eliminate "belatedly" without changing the content.
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Date: 2011-08-22 06:47 pm (UTC)But I'm glad you enjoyed the piece anyway. = )