hwango

“Gentlemen, we must face the fact that we do the world a disservice. We allow ignorance to flourish where we might instead bring enlightenment. It is within our means to answer once and for all one of the great mysteries, and yet we do nothing. Gentlemen, I propose that we rectify this situation. I propose that we journey below the surface of the Earth and prove once and for all what kind of candy center lies within our planet.”

Predictably, this suggestion provoked all manner of outrage and dissent. It was universally believed that such an expedition was a waste of time, money, and resources. After all, any fool already knew what would be found.

“Nougat!”

“Strawberry cream!”

“Idiots! It's obviously Caramel!”

“A single hazelnut of unthinkable size!”

He let the argument rage for some time, interrupting only when it seemed that things might devolve into physical violence.

“You see? Such bickering is beneath us. We are men of Science. The time for theories and speculation is over. It is time for proof.”

One by one, he swayed them over to his side. It was pitifully easy. He couldn’t understand how he could ever have respected these men. Did even one of them truly join his cause because of their devotion to Science? No, he was certain that every one of them wanted only to prove his fellows wrong, and could not wait to gloat in his own inevitable victory.

Fools, every one of them. Candy center, indeed. The very idea was ludicrous. But with this expedition, he would finally be able to reveal them for the frauds that they truly were. At last, the world would know for certain what should be obvious to any remotely intelligent person – that the center of the Earth is hollow, and populated by dinosaurs.