"Blood already covered his hands from before then note: include murder scene" <-- i lol'd. :D
This is really funny, hwango. I love how it slowly descends into something completely bonkers, what with the cackling and the Dark Lord routine Wendell suddenly gains at the end.
I did have two things to say critique-wise, and I hope you don't mind? The main one was the pacing - it felt like the conversation didn't move forward very much in the middle section and Kevin's bashing of the book wasn't as funny as it was in the beginning, so perhaps you can condense that down or somesuch. My other things was smaller: "Wendell’s smiling demeanor" <-- "demeanor" means bearing/body language, so "smiling body language" doesn't seem quite right. Perhaps you can say "Wendell's smile appears to be ..."
Anyway, hope you don't mind the comments! I really enjoyed reading your All-Stars entry and I hope you do well. :D (I'm sure you will, though!) Good luck!
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Date: 2012-01-31 12:26 pm (UTC)<-- i lol'd. :D
This is really funny, hwango. I love how it slowly descends into something completely bonkers, what with the cackling and the Dark Lord routine Wendell suddenly gains at the end.
I did have two things to say critique-wise, and I hope you don't mind? The main one was the pacing - it felt like the conversation didn't move forward very much in the middle section and Kevin's bashing of the book wasn't as funny as it was in the beginning, so perhaps you can condense that down or somesuch. My other things was smaller: "Wendell’s smiling demeanor" <-- "demeanor" means bearing/body language, so "smiling body language" doesn't seem quite right. Perhaps you can say "Wendell's smile appears to be ..."
Anyway, hope you don't mind the comments! I really enjoyed reading your All-Stars entry and I hope you do well. :D (I'm sure you will, though!) Good luck!