LPF week 3 - Tsundoku

[hwango]

As soon as I got home, I could tell that something was wrong. The grass outside was all torn up, and I could smell a hint of smoke in the air. It seemed I had uninvited visitors.

I don't like anyone invading my personal space, and I could feel my temper flaring to life as I rushed inside. Anger gave way to confusion and then turned back into anger when I saw who it was.

"What are you all doing in here?!" I roared, furious at this intrusion. Both of my sisters and three of my closest friends were all just sitting there, waiting for me. "If this is a surprise party you all should have done a better job hiding, and someone should have yelled 'surprise' by now," I growled into the uncomfortable silence. Some awkward glances were exchanged, and then my elder sister spoke for the group.

"Look, I know it's not okay for us all to just barge in like this, but...well, we all agree that you have a problem, and that we need to talk to you about it."

"What problem?!" I shouted.

"It's your hoard. It's just not healthy," she said.

"What's wrong with my hoard?!"

"You're supposed to hoard GOLD," she said. "Dragons hoard GOLD. Sure, maybe add some huge gems now and then, or a fancy suit of armor with a charred human skeleton in it - those are perfectly fine, in moderation. But you're hoarding BOOKS! It's weird."

"Hey, I've got some corpses! There's a corpse right there!" I said, pointing.

"But it's not stuck in a pile of gold," one of my friends objected. "And it's not even wearing fancy armor!"

"Well, it's not my fault that librarians don't wear fancy armor!"

"You have a DEAD LIBRARIAN in your cave? Have you no shame?!" my younger sister said.

Now I was really getting angry. I reared back and flapped my wings menacingly.

"I don't see anything here to be ashamed of! If you all want to sleep on piles of cold metal then go right ahead! I happen to want to sleep on a giant pile of books, and I don't see how that's anyone's business but my own!"

"How can you not be ashamed of this? You have all twenty-nine volumes of that awful vampire romance series!" my friend said.

"Look, I just sleep on them! It's not like I READ them!" I roared. Everyone looked visibly relieved at that. "Wait, you thought I was reading those?"

"Well..." said my elder sister, "we just thought that..."

"Now you're just being silly!" I shouted. "You all just sleep on your piles of coins, right? You don't actually - " I made an awful face (and as a dragon, I can make some killer awful faces), "exchange them for goods and services, right?"

They all shuddered in distaste.

"No...no, of course not," said my younger sister.

"Well all right then."

"Look, we're all happy to hear that you aren't reading trashy vampire romance," said my older sister, "but that doesn't change the fact that you should be sleeping on good, honest gold like a normal dragon. I mean, if you don't have mountains of treasure in this cave then you're not going to get any gold-seeking humans bumbling in here, and you'll starve."

"Hah!" I said, "shows what you know! Do you have any idea how many librarians I've had trying to sneak in here and steal back their books? And let me tell you, the fact that they don't wear fancy armor makes them easier to chew."

We argued like this for over an hour before they finally gave up and left. I could tell they were uncomfortable being in a cave without any gold in it, and of course I'd been fighting the whole time against my instincts to incinerate intruders in my territory. Really, it was nice of them to be concerned, but dragons just weren't meant to hold interventions for each other. And besides, I was fine. I don't have a problem.

Now, Count Nosferateen, Immortal Heartthrob - he's got problems. I can't wait for volume 30!

Comments

[sonreir]

Ha! This is amazing. I love the little twist at the end. :D

[hwango]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I felt like it needed just one more twist. = )

[static_abyss]

I like how even your choice of adjectives fit your characters. And I loved that you gave us time to figure out we were dealing with dragons. This was a great piece and your characters are delightful.

[hwango]

Thanks! It's a tricky balance, trying to drop hints that feel fair without raising too much suspicion too early that something weird is going on. = )

[tjoel2]

A dragon who hoards books! Brilliant!

[hwango]

Thanks! I know I wouldn't want to sleep on a pile of cold, grubby coins. = )

[adoptedwriter]

LOL This was so much fun! Great take!

[the_eternal_overthinker]

Heh! This was smart... I was hoping he would be a book addict(er..I meant a reader) and I am happy you proved me right ;) Enjoyed this tale . Thanks for penning it. Well done!

[bleodswean]

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fantastically done! This made me smile right off the bat and I grinned throughout.

[hwango]

Thanks! I'm glad it amused. = )

[meridian_rose]

So good! I think "librarians don't wear fancy armor" would be a good title for a fantasy novel :) Of course dragons don't spend their hoard but I'd never thought of it as a way to attract prey so kudos for that :D
Also I love the end, that the dragon truly is reading the books!
I can't vote this week so I'll just wish you all the best and keep my fingers crossed that your fellow contestants do!

[hwango]

Thanks! I appreciate your reading, comments, and crossed fingers!

[rayaso]

What a wonderful, weird story! I loved the dragons having an intervention over hoarding books. "Hey, I've got some corpses! There's a corpse right there!" was a great line, and I loved the idea that librarians are better than knights because, without the armor, they're easier to chew. This was fun all the way through.

[hwango]

Delicious, delicious librarians. Mmmmm.... = )

[bewize]

LOL! What a cute story. Great twist!

[hwango]

Thanks! I'm glad it amused.

[kimschlotwrites]

I love this! So I feel like I would be eaten by the dragon. There's rumors about a pile of books. Let me go look. Chomp. Chomp.

[hwango]

I mean, I guess a giant pile of gold can buy many books, but you can't browse a pile of gold, right? = ) Glad you enjoyed it!

[halfshellvenus]

Hahahaha!

I can see that the issue of hoarding struck many of us this week, and yet there's a different twist for each one.

the fact that they don't wear fancy armor makes them easier to chew."
Gah, those poor librarians. And yet, that's the perfect solution to attracting food. Buying books won't get you anywhere, but librarians can be vicious. At least, "Welcome to Nightvale" thinks so.

And yes, now that you mention it, dragons really DON'T appear to do anything with all that gold. They just want it. For shiny reasons. So why not books?

Though the ending-- hahaha again! It's a double-punch. :D

[hwango]

Maybe one of the dragons in that intervention has a secret stockpile of yarn. = )

Yeah, I think our protagonist is going to be sorry if they go raiding a library in Nightvale.

[nayanawrites]

Lolz ... I loved this take on the prompt - so brilliantly executed. The dragon resonated with me ... I kind of don't like it either when people intrude my library and comment on the kind of books I read ... even trashy vampire romances.

Oh I so loved this.

[hwango]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! I don't like people in my lair either. = )

[codenamewanderlust]

love it! I always seem to especially enjoy your entries
You have a great way with magical realism with your own awesomely weird twist on each prompt

[hwango]

Thanks! I do always try to come with what I hope is a unique take on the prompts...finding that hard this latest week, but fingers crossed!

[alycewilson]

Hilarious! I loved the creative approach.

[hwango]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!

[murielle]

Ah! Haha-haha-haha! This is WONDERFUL! And it gave me an idea about where I can store some of my books. Feng Shui be damned! Can you just imagine the fantabulous dreams I would have sleeping on my books?

Brilliant tale! Brilliant!

[hwango]

Be careful - some of those hardcovers have pointy corners. = )