LPF week 3 - Tsundoku

[hwango]

As soon as I got home, I could tell that something was wrong. The grass outside was all torn up, and I could smell a hint of smoke in the air. It seemed I had uninvited visitors.

I don't like anyone invading my personal space, and I could feel my temper flaring to life as I rushed inside. Anger gave way to confusion and then turned back into anger when I saw who it was.

"What are you all doing in here?!" I roared, furious at this intrusion. Both of my sisters and three of my closest friends were all just sitting there, waiting for me. "If this is a surprise party you all should have done a better job hiding, and someone should have yelled 'surprise' by now," I growled into the uncomfortable silence. Some awkward glances were exchanged, and then my elder sister spoke for the group.

"Look, I know it's not okay for us all to just barge in like this, but...well, we all agree that you have a problem, and that we need to talk to you about it."

"What problem?!" I shouted.

"It's your hoard. It's just not healthy," she said.

"What's wrong with my hoard?!"

"You're supposed to hoard GOLD," she said. "Dragons hoard GOLD. Sure, maybe add some huge gems now and then, or a fancy suit of armor with a charred human skeleton in it - those are perfectly fine, in moderation. But you're hoarding BOOKS! It's weird."

"Hey, I've got some corpses! There's a corpse right there!" I said, pointing.

"But it's not stuck in a pile of gold," one of my friends objected. "And it's not even wearing fancy armor!"

"Well, it's not my fault that librarians don't wear fancy armor!"

"You have a DEAD LIBRARIAN in your cave? Have you no shame?!" my younger sister said.

Now I was really getting angry. I reared back and flapped my wings menacingly.

"I don't see anything here to be ashamed of! If you all want to sleep on piles of cold metal then go right ahead! I happen to want to sleep on a giant pile of books, and I don't see how that's anyone's business but my own!"

"How can you not be ashamed of this? You have all twenty-nine volumes of that awful vampire romance series!" my friend said.

"Look, I just sleep on them! It's not like I READ them!" I roared. Everyone looked visibly relieved at that. "Wait, you thought I was reading those?"

"Well..." said my elder sister, "we just thought that..."

"Now you're just being silly!" I shouted. "You all just sleep on your piles of coins, right? You don't actually - " I made an awful face (and as a dragon, I can make some killer awful faces), "exchange them for goods and services, right?"

They all shuddered in distaste.

"No...no, of course not," said my younger sister.

"Well all right then."

"Look, we're all happy to hear that you aren't reading trashy vampire romance," said my older sister, "but that doesn't change the fact that you should be sleeping on good, honest gold like a normal dragon. I mean, if you don't have mountains of treasure in this cave then you're not going to get any gold-seeking humans bumbling in here, and you'll starve."

"Hah!" I said, "shows what you know! Do you have any idea how many librarians I've had trying to sneak in here and steal back their books? And let me tell you, the fact that they don't wear fancy armor makes them easier to chew."

We argued like this for over an hour before they finally gave up and left. I could tell they were uncomfortable being in a cave without any gold in it, and of course I'd been fighting the whole time against my instincts to incinerate intruders in my territory. Really, it was nice of them to be concerned, but dragons just weren't meant to hold interventions for each other. And besides, I was fine. I don't have a problem.

Now, Count Nosferateen, Immortal Heartthrob - he's got problems. I can't wait for volume 30!

Comments

[hwango]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! I don't like people in my lair either. = )