LPF week 15 - Periphery

[hwango]

People like to think of the world as having definite boundaries. They want a line that they can see and point to and say "everything on our side of this line is the world." The truth is that the edges aren't fixed in place. It's more like the divide between a beach and the ocean, ebbing and flowing all the time. And yeah, we built a fence pretty far up the beach to mark where you're theoretically safe from high tide, but sometimes there's a storm and that fence gets washed away, and then the beach is covered with seashells and pieces of old shipwrecks and colossal prehistoric squid. Well, metaphorical seashells, shipwrecks, and squid on our metaphorical beach. In reality, we mostly get unicorns.

Oh sure, now and then there's a chimera or a dragon or a giant flying space jellyfish or something, but those don't particularly care for reality, and they tend to go back home on their own. Unicorns, on the other hand, like nothing better than prancing around leaving a trail of flowers and rainbows everywhere they tread. And don't even get me started on the sparkles all over everything.

Unicorns are an incredible nuisance, and it's a huge pain to get rid of them. It would be lot simpler if we could just (brace yourself if you have a pure heart filled with childlike wonder) shoot the wretched things. Alas, that would be a public relations nightmare of legendary proportions. It doesn't matter how destructive a pest they are. It's like, even if pandas weren't endangered, you would catch enormous backlash from the rest of the world for shooting one just because it ravaged your bamboo farm. Same thing.

Also, I gather that hearing their dying scream plunges you into a profound and irreversible despair. But seriously, some days I just want to grab a pair of earplugs and a shotgun and chance it.

All I want is to have a nice lawn. Is that so much to ask? Apparently so, because every time reality recedes a bit and magical fantasy land rushes in to fill the gap I end up with wildflowers in full bloom all over my yard and sparkles all over every damned thing. And I have to rip up all of those weeds by hand, because last time I tried to just cut them all down with the lawnmower it got clogged full of sparkles and died.

I know, I know - it could be worse.

Heck, I heard about one guy who woke up one morning to find his whole front yard was a beanstalk several miles high. And you know that story doesn't end well.

Comments

[bellatrix_lestrange]

The end of this made me laugh so much. Delightful as always!

[hwango]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!

[meridian_rose]

LOL :) Gets a vote :)

[hwango]

Awesome, thanks for the read and the vote!

[static_abyss]

Hilarious, and it carries your distinct writer's voice, which I love. You produce excellent pieces, always.

[hwango]

Thanks! I'm glad my pieces are distinctive. = )

[babydramatic_1950]

Cute!

[hwango]

Thanks!

[halfshellvenus]

brace yourself if you have a pure heart filled with childlike wonder
Hahahaha!

I love this view of unicorns as pests, littering the landscape with their flowers and sparkly debris. And it sounds as if the narrator isn't the only one who is sick of them. :D

[hwango]

Honestly, I think anyone whose heart is pure and filled with childlike wonder should probably exercise caution near everything I write. = )

[rayaso]

Unicorns as pests! This was a wonderful, twisted idea. It would be a PR disaster to shoot them, but what's a person to do? Sparkles are so hard to get rid of. Perhaps you could fill your heart with black thoughts -- I know they linger in your imagination.

[hwango]

CURSE YOU, SPARKLES.

Fill my heart with darkness, eh? I'm sure I've got a heart somewhere, but I can't remember which box I put it in.

[dmousey]

This was absolutely hilarious! I can hear the voice perfectly!

In fact, it sounds like a troll, or so my Unicorn Marcella tells me! Truly now, which would you rather have, glitter or the other erm... smelly substance?

Thank you for the much needed laugh. 🐭🐞🐁😆✌🎀

[hwango]

ALL SUBSTANCES ARE BANNED.

Thanks, I'm glad it brightened your day!

[sonreir]

Short and sweet, straight to the point! I like it. :)

[hwango]

I felt a little bad that my entry was so short this time, but that seemed to be all there was, and I didn't want to pad it out with excess junk. Glad to hear it wasn't _too_ short. = )

[sonreir]

Definitely not! I think erring on the side of "does this tell everything it needs to, even if it is 'short'" versus trying to pad it out is the right approach. This really worked for me! :)

[alycewilson]

Sparkles are truly evil. I actually hear they're now considered an environmental danger. They may soon go the way of drinking straws.

[hwango]

Who knew evil would be so sparkly?

[kehlen.livejournal.com]

Bravo ! I love all the meanings that could be read in this story.

[hwango]

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[itsjust_c]

brace yourself if you have a pure heart filled with childlike wonder
giggles!

I enjoyed reading this. And Unicorns as pests - that's a very interesting and unique idea! Unicorns have always been a bit girly for my liking tbh.

[hwango]

Glad you enjoyed it! I'm getting the impression that a lot of people are happy to see unicorns taken down a peg. = )