fiction - brigits_flame - bulletproof
May. 26th, 2013 04:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hwangoEmma's fingers drummed on the arms of her chair and she glared fiercely at nothing. She was so full of nervous energy that she thought she'd explode if they left her waiting much longer.
"First day jitters?" said an unfamiliar voice, startling her. She was so focused on not going nuts from inactivity that she'd missed the guy walk into the room. She managed to fight the impulse to spring to her feet.
"Just itching to get to work," she replied, slowly getting up from her chair.
"Been in this business before?" he asked. A stupid question. Emma would have liked to point out how stupid, but this guy was probably her superior.
"Has anybody?" she said, settling for a response less insubordinate than the one that had first leapt to mind. He had the decency to look a little sheepish.
"Fair enough. Better question - you sure you're crazy enough for this job?" That got a smile from her.
"No one's crazy enough for this job." That won her a grin as well. Confident that they understood one another, Emma relaxed a bit.
"I know you've been through all kinds of training and signed a million forms, but I gotta go over a few things anyway as your final orientation. Procedure. Got it?"
"Got it," Emma said.
"Your uniform is flame-resistant, insulated against extreme low temperatures, water-tight, reasonably bulletproof, and probably costs more than your car. Don't lose it. Don't attempt to modify it in any way, or obscure any logos, symbols, insignia, bar codes, blah, blah. Your uniform is implanted with a tracking device. Do not attempt to disable, modify, or otherwise interfere with said tracking device. Do you understand these instructions as I have read them to you?"
"Affirmative."
"Sweet. You have been issued a stun baton, a solid projectile firearm, and half a dozen flashbang grenades. You understand that these items are provided exclusively for your personal protection and to insure your ability to perform your job, and selling these items or using them for personal reasons is an express violation of your contract and reason for immediate termination of said contract and they'll sue you for so much money you'll have to hock your internal organs?"
"Bastards."
"I take that as a 'yes.'"
"Rightly so," Emma confirmed.
"You understand that your assignments may place you in situations of extreme personal risk, including armed conflicts, and that while every reasonable means will be taken to minimize said risk, you could totally die and it's not your boss's problem?"
"Totally."
"In the event that you are inserted into the midst of an armed conflict, you understand that under no circumstances are you to join in said conflict, as the company's neutrality in said conflicts must remain unimpeachable?"
"Got it. No shooting anyone who doesn't shoot at me first."
"Excellent. I officially welcome you to the exciting new world of Extreme Delivery." He extended a hand, and she shook it.
"I'll go start up the helicopter, and we can get you into some action. You ready to deliver some pizza to our guys on the front lines?"
"Hell yes."
"First day jitters?" said an unfamiliar voice, startling her. She was so focused on not going nuts from inactivity that she'd missed the guy walk into the room. She managed to fight the impulse to spring to her feet.
"Just itching to get to work," she replied, slowly getting up from her chair.
"Been in this business before?" he asked. A stupid question. Emma would have liked to point out how stupid, but this guy was probably her superior.
"Has anybody?" she said, settling for a response less insubordinate than the one that had first leapt to mind. He had the decency to look a little sheepish.
"Fair enough. Better question - you sure you're crazy enough for this job?" That got a smile from her.
"No one's crazy enough for this job." That won her a grin as well. Confident that they understood one another, Emma relaxed a bit.
"I know you've been through all kinds of training and signed a million forms, but I gotta go over a few things anyway as your final orientation. Procedure. Got it?"
"Got it," Emma said.
"Your uniform is flame-resistant, insulated against extreme low temperatures, water-tight, reasonably bulletproof, and probably costs more than your car. Don't lose it. Don't attempt to modify it in any way, or obscure any logos, symbols, insignia, bar codes, blah, blah. Your uniform is implanted with a tracking device. Do not attempt to disable, modify, or otherwise interfere with said tracking device. Do you understand these instructions as I have read them to you?"
"Affirmative."
"Sweet. You have been issued a stun baton, a solid projectile firearm, and half a dozen flashbang grenades. You understand that these items are provided exclusively for your personal protection and to insure your ability to perform your job, and selling these items or using them for personal reasons is an express violation of your contract and reason for immediate termination of said contract and they'll sue you for so much money you'll have to hock your internal organs?"
"Bastards."
"I take that as a 'yes.'"
"Rightly so," Emma confirmed.
"You understand that your assignments may place you in situations of extreme personal risk, including armed conflicts, and that while every reasonable means will be taken to minimize said risk, you could totally die and it's not your boss's problem?"
"Totally."
"In the event that you are inserted into the midst of an armed conflict, you understand that under no circumstances are you to join in said conflict, as the company's neutrality in said conflicts must remain unimpeachable?"
"Got it. No shooting anyone who doesn't shoot at me first."
"Excellent. I officially welcome you to the exciting new world of Extreme Delivery." He extended a hand, and she shook it.
"I'll go start up the helicopter, and we can get you into some action. You ready to deliver some pizza to our guys on the front lines?"
"Hell yes."
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no subject
Date: 2013-05-27 09:17 am (UTC)I must say, it does take one out of the chore of 'doing up' the mundanity of this world's life!
Oh lordy... make mine A Margharita with extra enchovies! LOL
no subject
Date: 2013-05-27 02:50 pm (UTC)