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hwango1,108 words
Hello, children. Lonely? You thought that because I live all the way out here on the edge of town as far from anyone else as possible that I must be lonely? That's very...thoughtful of you. Hmm, actually, I know a story about a reclusive old man who was very lonely.
A long time ago, there was an eccentric old tinkerer who was very lonely. Eventually, the tinkerer decided that what he really wanted was to raise a child, and so he built one. No, this isn't the story of Pinocchio. Why would I tell you that story? That story is incredibly disturbing. I would never tell you children a story so horrifying.
Anyway, the tinkerer mixed together clay and blood and fashioned it into the shape of a child. He sculpted the child to be about the age most of you are, because that way he got to skip over all the years when the kid would do nothing but cry all night and fall over when he tried to walk and such, which as far as I'm concerned demonstrates that, for all his many faults, the eccentric old tinkerer was a genius. Once the body was finished, he placed inside it a magical heart made of gold which brought it to life.
Now, having a heart of gold means that you are good and kind and generous, and the child was all of those things. Despite his somewhat creepy appearance, he was beloved by the townsfolk, and at no point did they even consider chasing him into a windmill and setting it on fire. However, at some point one of the less savory locals learned that the child's heart was literally made of gold, and he hacked the child to pieces with an ax and stole the heart before fleeing town.
The tinkerer was devastated. At some point, he surfaced from his despair enough to craft a new child, but he decided that this one would be different.
This child he forged from iron, and he gave her a magical heart of steel.
Now, having a heart of steel means that you are courageous and determined and resilient, and the child was all of those things. Even though she was still just a child, she decided that she would bring her brother's killer to justice. And so she set out on an epic quest, overcoming all kinds of character-building adversity and such before she finally tracked down the man and dragged him before the local constabulary.
Alas, the authorities in that place knew nothing of the story up to this point, and all they saw was that some sort of bizarre metal monster had assaulted a normal human being, and so they - with considerable difficulty - smashed her to pieces.
When the tinkerer learned of this, he went from being merely eccentric to full-blown crazy, and he immediately chiseled a child from stone and brought him to life with a magical heart of ice.
Now, having a heart of ice means that you are cruel and unfeeling and merciless, and the child was all of those things. He went to the town that had destroyed his iron sister and...well, I did say that I didn't want to tell you a story that was horrible and traumatizing, so I won't go into any details. Suffice to say that his revenge was excessive. Eventually, a plucky band of survivors managed to lure the child into a windmill and set it on fire. No, you're right - that wouldn't manage to burn a person made of stone, but it did melt his heart, and not in a metaphorical way.
At this point, you might expect that the tinkerer would create something truly horrific that would lay waste to the entire countryside, but in fact he had realized that the last child was a serious mistake, and he reined things in before they got really out of hand and there was more than one blood-soaked, bone-strewn ruin that - oh, wait, I wasn't going to go into details about that. Never mind.
Anyway, the tinkerer decided to create child out of flesh and blood and bones just like you or me. Well, not exactly like you or me, because he still constructed the child in his workshop rather than use the usual method for creating more people. What, seriously? Ask your parents.
For this child, he decided to create a heart made from many different things. Partly this was because he had realized that the other hearts made from only one substance had made the children into one-dimensional stereotypes, but also because he was thrifty and still had some magical gold and steel and ice just sitting there on a shelf gathering dust. In addition to the magical gold and steel and ice, he also used some magical glass and paper and even a magical piece of driftwood that he hadn't ever come up with another use for. Also, for certain practical reasons, he included some muscle tissue and tubes and things, because in people made from meat the whole point of a heart is to circulate blood, and any talk of your heart influencing your personality traits is either rooted in an antiquated understanding of anatomy or willfully ignorant sentimentality, which is even worse.
Regardless, this child was complicated and dynamic and well-rounded. She and the tinkerer would probably have gotten along wonderfully, and they could have played games, and gone for picnics, and had awkward conversations about adult concepts, and do all of those other things that parents and their children do together. Alas, by this point the king had learned about the crazy old man apparently creating monster children somewhere out on the fringes of his kingdom, and he sent a bunch of soldiers to deal with the problem, and that was the end of the old tinkerer.
The child, however, escaped. She lived a long, rich, interesting life, but never physically aged, and I suppose it's possible that even now one of the little children seated before me is actually some kind of ancient meat golem who feels a certain nostalgia for hanging around with a crazy old man.
The lesson to be learned here is to stay away from windmills, because you can never be sure that an angry mob won't set it on fire while you're inside. That, and some things are irreplaceable, and if you try to replace them anyway you could end up indirectly responsible for hundreds of deaths and eventually be hunted down by the government.
Now, why don't you children run along. But you have my heartfelt thanks for stopping by to visit.
Hello, children. Lonely? You thought that because I live all the way out here on the edge of town as far from anyone else as possible that I must be lonely? That's very...thoughtful of you. Hmm, actually, I know a story about a reclusive old man who was very lonely.
A long time ago, there was an eccentric old tinkerer who was very lonely. Eventually, the tinkerer decided that what he really wanted was to raise a child, and so he built one. No, this isn't the story of Pinocchio. Why would I tell you that story? That story is incredibly disturbing. I would never tell you children a story so horrifying.
Anyway, the tinkerer mixed together clay and blood and fashioned it into the shape of a child. He sculpted the child to be about the age most of you are, because that way he got to skip over all the years when the kid would do nothing but cry all night and fall over when he tried to walk and such, which as far as I'm concerned demonstrates that, for all his many faults, the eccentric old tinkerer was a genius. Once the body was finished, he placed inside it a magical heart made of gold which brought it to life.
Now, having a heart of gold means that you are good and kind and generous, and the child was all of those things. Despite his somewhat creepy appearance, he was beloved by the townsfolk, and at no point did they even consider chasing him into a windmill and setting it on fire. However, at some point one of the less savory locals learned that the child's heart was literally made of gold, and he hacked the child to pieces with an ax and stole the heart before fleeing town.
The tinkerer was devastated. At some point, he surfaced from his despair enough to craft a new child, but he decided that this one would be different.
This child he forged from iron, and he gave her a magical heart of steel.
Now, having a heart of steel means that you are courageous and determined and resilient, and the child was all of those things. Even though she was still just a child, she decided that she would bring her brother's killer to justice. And so she set out on an epic quest, overcoming all kinds of character-building adversity and such before she finally tracked down the man and dragged him before the local constabulary.
Alas, the authorities in that place knew nothing of the story up to this point, and all they saw was that some sort of bizarre metal monster had assaulted a normal human being, and so they - with considerable difficulty - smashed her to pieces.
When the tinkerer learned of this, he went from being merely eccentric to full-blown crazy, and he immediately chiseled a child from stone and brought him to life with a magical heart of ice.
Now, having a heart of ice means that you are cruel and unfeeling and merciless, and the child was all of those things. He went to the town that had destroyed his iron sister and...well, I did say that I didn't want to tell you a story that was horrible and traumatizing, so I won't go into any details. Suffice to say that his revenge was excessive. Eventually, a plucky band of survivors managed to lure the child into a windmill and set it on fire. No, you're right - that wouldn't manage to burn a person made of stone, but it did melt his heart, and not in a metaphorical way.
At this point, you might expect that the tinkerer would create something truly horrific that would lay waste to the entire countryside, but in fact he had realized that the last child was a serious mistake, and he reined things in before they got really out of hand and there was more than one blood-soaked, bone-strewn ruin that - oh, wait, I wasn't going to go into details about that. Never mind.
Anyway, the tinkerer decided to create child out of flesh and blood and bones just like you or me. Well, not exactly like you or me, because he still constructed the child in his workshop rather than use the usual method for creating more people. What, seriously? Ask your parents.
For this child, he decided to create a heart made from many different things. Partly this was because he had realized that the other hearts made from only one substance had made the children into one-dimensional stereotypes, but also because he was thrifty and still had some magical gold and steel and ice just sitting there on a shelf gathering dust. In addition to the magical gold and steel and ice, he also used some magical glass and paper and even a magical piece of driftwood that he hadn't ever come up with another use for. Also, for certain practical reasons, he included some muscle tissue and tubes and things, because in people made from meat the whole point of a heart is to circulate blood, and any talk of your heart influencing your personality traits is either rooted in an antiquated understanding of anatomy or willfully ignorant sentimentality, which is even worse.
Regardless, this child was complicated and dynamic and well-rounded. She and the tinkerer would probably have gotten along wonderfully, and they could have played games, and gone for picnics, and had awkward conversations about adult concepts, and do all of those other things that parents and their children do together. Alas, by this point the king had learned about the crazy old man apparently creating monster children somewhere out on the fringes of his kingdom, and he sent a bunch of soldiers to deal with the problem, and that was the end of the old tinkerer.
The child, however, escaped. She lived a long, rich, interesting life, but never physically aged, and I suppose it's possible that even now one of the little children seated before me is actually some kind of ancient meat golem who feels a certain nostalgia for hanging around with a crazy old man.
The lesson to be learned here is to stay away from windmills, because you can never be sure that an angry mob won't set it on fire while you're inside. That, and some things are irreplaceable, and if you try to replace them anyway you could end up indirectly responsible for hundreds of deaths and eventually be hunted down by the government.
Now, why don't you children run along. But you have my heartfelt thanks for stopping by to visit.
