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hwango930 words
The Fordington Public Library was not quite what Max had expected. The building itself was bigger than he would have guessed for a town as small as Fordington, and had clearly once served some other purpose. At least, he couldn't imagine anyone designing a public library to look quite so intimidating and inhospitable. But maybe some of that was just first day jitters.
Previously, Max had worked at the main desk of the public library in the neighboring town of Portham, but recent budget cutbacks had put him out of a job. However, around the same time, Fordington's library suddenly found itself severely understaffed due to some kind of freak accident, and Max's old boss managed to wrangle him a position helping to fill in, with the possibility of making the arrangement permanent if things went well. Max was grateful for the opportunity, but it felt odd to be showing up for his first day of work at a place he'd never been to before and a job for which he had technically never interviewed or even applied.
As instructed, he arrived an hour before the library would open to the public so he could have at least a minimal orientation before interacting with patrons. The woman who greeted him at the door looked displeased to see him, and he got the impression that she might not have been consulted about him working for her. She introduced herself, grudgingly, as Eva.
"I don't know how you did things in Portham, but I expect you to do things our way while you're here, understand?" she said.
"Of course," Max said. That certainly didn't sound encouraging.
"We're a month into our Summer Reading Challenge, but numbers are way down, so I need you to make sure all of our patrons know about it and are participating.
"Is circulation that bad?" Max asked.
"Circulation is alright, but our Austens are seriously below our projections, and we're almost certainly falling behind."
"You mean people aren't reading enough Jane Austen?" Max asked. Eva favored him with a dark look that suggested she did not appreciate this joke, then she looked even more annoyed that apparently he wasn't joking.
"I mean our Austens. As in, the unit by which literary appreciation is measured."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Do you even have an MLS degree?" Eva demanded.
"No. I just worked the desk - I was a Library Associate."
"You're not a real librarian?!." Eva shrank away from Max as if he'd admitted to something truly vile.
"No, but I thought you just needed someone to help at the front desk. I'm familiar with the catalog software you use and I know how to check materials in and out, place holds, manage interlibrary loan requests, and all of that sort of thing.
"I suppose that will be useful." Eva admitted. "But you have to understand...we need someone who can help with...sensitive matters," she finished vaguely.
"I'm familiar with all the usual library secrets - rooms of forbidden materials not open to the public, ghosts that rearrange the books at night, robots that put them back where they belong, a secret rhinoceros in the basement, etc." Max said. Eva rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, those are 'secrets,'" she scoffed and made little air quotes with her fingers. "Everybody knows about those. And actually we don't have a rhinoceros at the moment. No, I need someone I can trust with real secrets."
Max didn't know what to say to this.
"Okay, this is an emergency, so I'm going to trust you with some things I almost certainly shouldn't be telling you. To address your earlier question, we can detect and measure how much patrons are appreciating the literature they read. This appreciation is measured in Austens, named after Jane Austen, and so named by the discoverer of the detection process, Heironymous Mezzofinagle-Copperwaithe, who took pity on the world and did not name the unit after himself. In order to win the Summer Reading Challenge, we have to generate more Austens than our competitor in the challenge, the Montglade Public Library. The loser will suffer the wrath of the regional Bibliogroth and the whole town could be rendered fictional. You with me so far?"
Max stared at her in disbelief. "You really don't have a rhinoceros in your basement?" Max asked.
"Focus!" Eva shouted. Max flinched, and then shook his head as if to clear it.
"Bibliogroth? What do you mean, 'rendered fictional?'" Max said.
"Remember Flaniport? Griselwich? Toophingberg? Eva asked
"...no?"
"Exactly, because they're not real and they never were, because they failed to placate the Bibliogroth."
"How do we know they weren't always fictional, and the Bibliogroth had nothing to do with it?" Max asked.
"Because we're librarians," Eva said. "Well, some of us are."
"Look, there's no need to be so condescending just because my education didn't follow the same path as yours," Max said, growing increasingly annoyed by her attitude.
Eva looked as if she was about to say something deeply unkind in reply to this, but was interrupted by her phone ringing. "Sorry, this could be important," she said before she answered it, which was more consideration than he was expecting by that point. She turned away slightly and spoke in hushed tones. It was not a long conversation, but she seemed in much better spirits afterwards.
"Finally, some good news!" Eva said. Max braced himself. "They found us a replacement rhinoceros for the basement, and it's arriving tonight!"
Max sighed in relief. He’d been starting to worry that the people at this library were crazy.
---
Author's note: I know we're supposed to link back to a local news story, but I don't like publicizing on the internet where I live that specifically. This month, Massachusetts libraries started up their Summer Reading Program: http://www.readsinma.org/
The Fordington Public Library was not quite what Max had expected. The building itself was bigger than he would have guessed for a town as small as Fordington, and had clearly once served some other purpose. At least, he couldn't imagine anyone designing a public library to look quite so intimidating and inhospitable. But maybe some of that was just first day jitters.
Previously, Max had worked at the main desk of the public library in the neighboring town of Portham, but recent budget cutbacks had put him out of a job. However, around the same time, Fordington's library suddenly found itself severely understaffed due to some kind of freak accident, and Max's old boss managed to wrangle him a position helping to fill in, with the possibility of making the arrangement permanent if things went well. Max was grateful for the opportunity, but it felt odd to be showing up for his first day of work at a place he'd never been to before and a job for which he had technically never interviewed or even applied.
As instructed, he arrived an hour before the library would open to the public so he could have at least a minimal orientation before interacting with patrons. The woman who greeted him at the door looked displeased to see him, and he got the impression that she might not have been consulted about him working for her. She introduced herself, grudgingly, as Eva.
"I don't know how you did things in Portham, but I expect you to do things our way while you're here, understand?" she said.
"Of course," Max said. That certainly didn't sound encouraging.
"We're a month into our Summer Reading Challenge, but numbers are way down, so I need you to make sure all of our patrons know about it and are participating.
"Is circulation that bad?" Max asked.
"Circulation is alright, but our Austens are seriously below our projections, and we're almost certainly falling behind."
"You mean people aren't reading enough Jane Austen?" Max asked. Eva favored him with a dark look that suggested she did not appreciate this joke, then she looked even more annoyed that apparently he wasn't joking.
"I mean our Austens. As in, the unit by which literary appreciation is measured."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Do you even have an MLS degree?" Eva demanded.
"No. I just worked the desk - I was a Library Associate."
"You're not a real librarian?!." Eva shrank away from Max as if he'd admitted to something truly vile.
"No, but I thought you just needed someone to help at the front desk. I'm familiar with the catalog software you use and I know how to check materials in and out, place holds, manage interlibrary loan requests, and all of that sort of thing.
"I suppose that will be useful." Eva admitted. "But you have to understand...we need someone who can help with...sensitive matters," she finished vaguely.
"I'm familiar with all the usual library secrets - rooms of forbidden materials not open to the public, ghosts that rearrange the books at night, robots that put them back where they belong, a secret rhinoceros in the basement, etc." Max said. Eva rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, those are 'secrets,'" she scoffed and made little air quotes with her fingers. "Everybody knows about those. And actually we don't have a rhinoceros at the moment. No, I need someone I can trust with real secrets."
Max didn't know what to say to this.
"Okay, this is an emergency, so I'm going to trust you with some things I almost certainly shouldn't be telling you. To address your earlier question, we can detect and measure how much patrons are appreciating the literature they read. This appreciation is measured in Austens, named after Jane Austen, and so named by the discoverer of the detection process, Heironymous Mezzofinagle-Copperwaithe, who took pity on the world and did not name the unit after himself. In order to win the Summer Reading Challenge, we have to generate more Austens than our competitor in the challenge, the Montglade Public Library. The loser will suffer the wrath of the regional Bibliogroth and the whole town could be rendered fictional. You with me so far?"
Max stared at her in disbelief. "You really don't have a rhinoceros in your basement?" Max asked.
"Focus!" Eva shouted. Max flinched, and then shook his head as if to clear it.
"Bibliogroth? What do you mean, 'rendered fictional?'" Max said.
"Remember Flaniport? Griselwich? Toophingberg? Eva asked
"...no?"
"Exactly, because they're not real and they never were, because they failed to placate the Bibliogroth."
"How do we know they weren't always fictional, and the Bibliogroth had nothing to do with it?" Max asked.
"Because we're librarians," Eva said. "Well, some of us are."
"Look, there's no need to be so condescending just because my education didn't follow the same path as yours," Max said, growing increasingly annoyed by her attitude.
Eva looked as if she was about to say something deeply unkind in reply to this, but was interrupted by her phone ringing. "Sorry, this could be important," she said before she answered it, which was more consideration than he was expecting by that point. She turned away slightly and spoke in hushed tones. It was not a long conversation, but she seemed in much better spirits afterwards.
"Finally, some good news!" Eva said. Max braced himself. "They found us a replacement rhinoceros for the basement, and it's arriving tonight!"
Max sighed in relief. He’d been starting to worry that the people at this library were crazy.
---
Author's note: I know we're supposed to link back to a local news story, but I don't like publicizing on the internet where I live that specifically. This month, Massachusetts libraries started up their Summer Reading Program: http://www.readsinma.org/
