![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hwango755 words
One of the worst things about being an unsuccessful mad scientist was having to share lab space with another, equally unsuccessful mad scientist in order to save on rent.
Erica and Dane had been sharing a lab ever since they'd both been thrown out of the same prestigious university - he for "misuse of university property," and she for "destruction of university property."
"It's like you don't care about the success of your students at all! All you care about is your precious buildings!" Erica had said at the time, as they escorted her off the grounds before the lava had even finished cooling. Dane had been kicked out just a few days earlier when they found out he'd been using university resources to grow what they called "monstrous abominations," and what Dane called "a disappointing but serviceable first batch." Both of them had sworn that the small-minded fools running the place would live to regret their decision, but so far the university's biggest regret was putting the high energy physics lab so close to so many irreplaceable historic buildings.
Since then, both of them had been struggling to advance their craft with whatever resources they could scrape together, but it was slow going. Dane yearned to genetically engineer monsters from folklore and mythology, having deemed all the wondrous diversity of nature to be kind of boring, and Erica wanted a volcano that would obey her every whim, and so far neither of them had come even close to the partial successes they'd had at the university. Both were frustrated to be cramped up in a small space with nothing but their failures and another cranky evil genius to keep them company, and tempers were starting to run high.
Erica had gone away for a week in Hawaii, and though it was more of a hands-on fact-finding mission than a vacation, it was still good to get away for a while. She returned to find the lab a bit more disarrayed than usual, including a great deal of torn up paper all over the floor.
"What the hell, Dane?!" she shouted, dropping her luggage to the floor with a crash.
"Oh, sorry," Dane said over his shoulder, not bothering to look up from whatever he was doing on his computer, "my grant proposal was rejected, and I didn't take it well."
"Shocking," Erica said.
"You seem unsurprised," Dane noted.
"Well, let's see. Is this the same grant proposal that said that the purpose of your research was to make everyone 'rue the day?'"
"Don't be absurd - that was an early draft," Dane said. "The final version said that I would 'show them all.'"
"Oh yes, that's much better," Erica said. "You don't think the real problem is that no one wants to give you money to breed - what was it you were trying to get funded this time?"
"Capaill Uisce," Dane said distractedly.
"I keep telling you, you should at least try to make monsters that people have heard about and like. With you it's all coatl and perytons and no dragons and unicorns."
"Dragons are a bit farther down the road of my field than I think I can manage at the moment, and unicorns are boring," Dane said.
"You know, you could at least have the courtesy to look at me while we're talking," Erica said.
"Sorry, I'm a little distracted," he said. "How was your trip?"
"Amazing. But I'm going to need a fake ID or an army of some sort if I ever want to go back," she said. "So what has your attention so captivated anyway?" she asked, moving over to his desk. "Writing another grant proposal?"
"No," he said. "I've realized that I was going about this entirely the wrong way. There's no foundation or university or government agency that's going to give me money to create potentially dangerous monsters," Dane said. Erica thought it was adorably self-deluding that he used the word "potentially" there. "What I need is to collect small amounts of money from a large number of misanthropes who are hoping for my creations to wreak havoc on the general populace."
"You mean...you want to crowdfund a herd of carnivorous aquatic horses? That seems even less likely to succeed."
"My Kickstarter campaign is already half funded and it's only been up for two days."
"What?!"
"Who knew, right?"
Erica looked over his shoulder at the screen. Yes, there it was - a fully detailed campaign with all the usual bits. He even had stretch goals, including -
"Hey, that stretch goal is to also make unicorns! That's cheating!"
Dane shrugged.
"Sometimes you just have to give people what they want." Then Dane thought for a moment. "Besides, it doesn't explicitly promise that the unicorns won't be carnivorous."
One of the worst things about being an unsuccessful mad scientist was having to share lab space with another, equally unsuccessful mad scientist in order to save on rent.
Erica and Dane had been sharing a lab ever since they'd both been thrown out of the same prestigious university - he for "misuse of university property," and she for "destruction of university property."
"It's like you don't care about the success of your students at all! All you care about is your precious buildings!" Erica had said at the time, as they escorted her off the grounds before the lava had even finished cooling. Dane had been kicked out just a few days earlier when they found out he'd been using university resources to grow what they called "monstrous abominations," and what Dane called "a disappointing but serviceable first batch." Both of them had sworn that the small-minded fools running the place would live to regret their decision, but so far the university's biggest regret was putting the high energy physics lab so close to so many irreplaceable historic buildings.
Since then, both of them had been struggling to advance their craft with whatever resources they could scrape together, but it was slow going. Dane yearned to genetically engineer monsters from folklore and mythology, having deemed all the wondrous diversity of nature to be kind of boring, and Erica wanted a volcano that would obey her every whim, and so far neither of them had come even close to the partial successes they'd had at the university. Both were frustrated to be cramped up in a small space with nothing but their failures and another cranky evil genius to keep them company, and tempers were starting to run high.
Erica had gone away for a week in Hawaii, and though it was more of a hands-on fact-finding mission than a vacation, it was still good to get away for a while. She returned to find the lab a bit more disarrayed than usual, including a great deal of torn up paper all over the floor.
"What the hell, Dane?!" she shouted, dropping her luggage to the floor with a crash.
"Oh, sorry," Dane said over his shoulder, not bothering to look up from whatever he was doing on his computer, "my grant proposal was rejected, and I didn't take it well."
"Shocking," Erica said.
"You seem unsurprised," Dane noted.
"Well, let's see. Is this the same grant proposal that said that the purpose of your research was to make everyone 'rue the day?'"
"Don't be absurd - that was an early draft," Dane said. "The final version said that I would 'show them all.'"
"Oh yes, that's much better," Erica said. "You don't think the real problem is that no one wants to give you money to breed - what was it you were trying to get funded this time?"
"Capaill Uisce," Dane said distractedly.
"I keep telling you, you should at least try to make monsters that people have heard about and like. With you it's all coatl and perytons and no dragons and unicorns."
"Dragons are a bit farther down the road of my field than I think I can manage at the moment, and unicorns are boring," Dane said.
"You know, you could at least have the courtesy to look at me while we're talking," Erica said.
"Sorry, I'm a little distracted," he said. "How was your trip?"
"Amazing. But I'm going to need a fake ID or an army of some sort if I ever want to go back," she said. "So what has your attention so captivated anyway?" she asked, moving over to his desk. "Writing another grant proposal?"
"No," he said. "I've realized that I was going about this entirely the wrong way. There's no foundation or university or government agency that's going to give me money to create potentially dangerous monsters," Dane said. Erica thought it was adorably self-deluding that he used the word "potentially" there. "What I need is to collect small amounts of money from a large number of misanthropes who are hoping for my creations to wreak havoc on the general populace."
"You mean...you want to crowdfund a herd of carnivorous aquatic horses? That seems even less likely to succeed."
"My Kickstarter campaign is already half funded and it's only been up for two days."
"What?!"
"Who knew, right?"
Erica looked over his shoulder at the screen. Yes, there it was - a fully detailed campaign with all the usual bits. He even had stretch goals, including -
"Hey, that stretch goal is to also make unicorns! That's cheating!"
Dane shrugged.
"Sometimes you just have to give people what they want." Then Dane thought for a moment. "Besides, it doesn't explicitly promise that the unicorns won't be carnivorous."
