LJidol 3 Strikes - Week 12 - America

[hwango]

Looking out upon our soaring crystal towers, elegant carbon nanotube geodesic domes, and majestic stone step pyramids, it can be easy to forget that the utopia we live in today has a violent, tumultuous history.

From the moment Quetzalcoatl first lifted this land from the depths of the ocean and brought it into the sun, it was a place of beauty and prosperity. Alas, nothing perfect lasts, and one dreadful day Atahualpa said "Columbus" into a mirror three times and summoned him from his prison of fire in the center of the earth.

He swiftly recruited three demon lieutenants, Francisco Pizarro, Starbucks, and Lex Luthor. In the depths of Mordor they raised an army of goblins, orcs, and europeans, and with this they swept across the land like a plague. Also, they brought plagues.

Trees withered. Frogs turned poisonous. The land itself stretched and twisted until it was finally cleft in twain when John Henry dug the Panama Canal through it in a single day with his magic shovel.

Giant stone men called monuments were created, but were all defeated by the giant transforming robot Amazon Prime, who placed their severed heads all in a row as a reminder of his power. Alas, the robot was corrupted in the battle, and his carbon footprints withered the earth wherever he stepped until eventually he donned the Canaveral Cape and used it to fly into space to spare the land further doom.

But things were already really bad. The ice prison that held the polar bears melted, and when they escaped they ate all the bees everywhere, and also even more of the trees, and then there weren't even poison frogs anymore, but just millions upon millions of angry birds.

Eventually, the land grew so weary of bloodshed and cruelty that it was put up for auction and sold to a consortium of superintelligent uplifted lemurs, who fixed everything with their magic lemur powers.

And that's the history of our land and also why lemurs are the best.

Comments

[drippedonpaper]

There is so much truth in your fiction, which makes it even more scary. I especially love how you said Amazon Prime is a transformer.

You are a prophet of sorts. And unfortunately, like all true prophets, it can be sad how correct you are.

[hwango]

I can only hope I'm right that step pyramids will come back into fashion. Those things are awesome. Hopefully I'm wrong about the bees and such, though.

[d0gs.livejournal.com]

This is so clever. I especially love the last line!

[hwango]

Thanks! I'm sure the lemurs appreciate your support as well.

[adoptedwriter]

Lemurs are awesome! This was great!

[hwango]

Well, the consensus does seem to be that lemurs are awesome. We've still got a poll to resolve to see if anyone agrees with you about this being great. = )

[roina_arwen]

You’re so creative! I’ve been to Mount Rushmore (which is what I assume you’re referencing in the “giant stone men called monuments” line), and of course Starbucks is a demon, lol!

[hwango]

In retrospect, maybe the stone men should have just been called "Rushmores," but this was all very last minute with a lot of real life drama going on, so I'm just grateful to have posted anything.

Starbucks is a very jittery, hyperactive demon who does not sleep, and whose addictive blood ensares the souls of those who drink it. = )

[mollywheezy]

I love your style. You did an excellent job this week of writing true events as a fantasy tale. I loved the ending! YAY Lemurs! ;)

[hwango]

LEMURS!!!

[banana_galaxy]

I can totally picture history getting distorted in this way in the future.

[hwango]

Especially if, just as a random example, it were being reconstructed by sentient lemurs after the fall of human civilization. = )

[ofearthandstars]

I love all the cultural references you squeeze in here, with a bit of humor to make it feel a little less apocalyptic. How do we summon the lemurs?

Also, thank you for being inclusive of Central America, it surely does get forgotten at times!

[hwango]

We are not yet worthy of the lemurs, I suspect.

My initial reaction to the prompt was one of outrage and despair, but after banging my head against the wall trying to think of a take that I was willing to write about I thought that there's two whole continents of Americas, and if I went farther afield that just the US part I could write about step pyramids. And then I ended up here, which is maybe not quite as many step pyramids as I'd hoped, but it was a terrible week.

[ofearthandstars]

I feel like that was a very common reaction to the prompt. I think this is an appropriate number of step pyramids, and am sorry you had a terrible week.

[hwango]

Thanks, I appreciate it. Maybe some other people got some catharsis from writing about how awful everything is in the US, but I didn't really want to do that, don't really write nonfiction for these things, and would have preferred a more open-ended prompt. Eh, maybe next week.

[fruzicle]

Your piece is a puzzle. I think I'll read it again to find more clues ;)

[hwango]

It's actually pieces from several different puzzles. = )

[alycewilson]

Lemurs rule!!! I thought this was a clever way of looking at America's problems while still having a sense of humor about them.

[hwango]

I had no idea lemurs would resonate with so many people!

[favoritebean_writes]

As always, this was brilliant! Thank you for writing this. It's exactly what I needed.

[hwango]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm getting the sense that most people like lemurs, but not the thing I actually wrote. = P

[erulissedances]

I like the fact that you went into continental names rather than national labels. I suspect you're the only one in the list who did that, and that doesn't surprise me since you're usually on my short list of serious contenders. Very well done indeed!

- Erulisse (one L)

[hwango]

Thanks - I definitely did not want to write about the US this week, so a broader take seemed like the way to go. I'm glad you liked it!

[fiveforsilver]

This is simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking, so hey, well done!

Hopefully the lemurs will manage things better.

[hwango]

Thanks! Certainly the lemurs can't do worse.

[marlawentmad]

An absolute clever absurdist true facts. I adore how your brain works.

[hwango]

Thanks! I'm still pretty happy with the idea, but I wish I'd had it a bit earlier in the week so I could have spent more time on execution.

[dadi]

Confusing but brilliant!

[hwango]

It was (is?) a confusing time to live through. = )