Spooky Story 2023
Once up on a time there was a very spooky story. The story contained all sorts of scary things, like skeletons and existential dread and ghouls and dead goats puppeteered from the inside by enormous colonies of spiders. It was terrifying. In fact, it was so terrifying that most people who tried to read it never made it to the end. Usually this was because they gave up reading long before the story was finished, and not because they fell victim to a soul-eating windmill. It was hardly ever the windmill.
Many people gave up at the part with the Ferris wheel made of bones. Some people made it to the bit with the well filled with snakes. Almost no one made it to the eldritch windmill. That horrible, horrible windmill. The shrieking of its grinding gears, and the ceaseless babbling of its sails made from - well, I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise.
Anyway, the point is that the story was scary enough to drive most people away before they reached the end. However, the story was not thwarted so easily.
Elements of the story would creep out and chase after the reader, trying to re-acquire their attention. As you might imagine, this strategy rarely met with success. If, for example, you abandoned reading a story because you were so unsettled by the idea of a well full of snakes whose constant slithering and hissing mingled into a nightmarish chorus endlessly whispering the names of the dead, and then you discovered that your own well was filled with such snakes, I doubt your first impulse would be to go back to read about even more snakes. But this didn't stop the story from trying. Really, nothing could stop the story. The story was relentless. Implacable. Inescapable.
But don't worry, the story that you are reading is about Terrance the Dancing Llama.
Terrance woke up early one morning to sunshine and singing birds. The birds were singing a legally distinct song about it being Terrance's birthday that would not require them to pay anyone any royalties, because it was Terrance's birthday! Terrance danced merrily into his kitchen, where he discovered that someone had snuck in while he was asleep and put up decorations and balloons and a giant banner that read "Happy Birthday Terrance!!!!" You or I would doubtless be terrified that someone who would string together four consecutive exclamation marks had broken into our home while we were asleep, but Terrance's life was one of such carefree bliss that this didn't concern him at all.
Terrance visited all of his friends while running his morning errands. There was Winifred the Kudu, Thorvald the Alpaca, Astrid the Oryx, and even Lancaster the Goat! Everyone said a cheerful "hello!" and wished Terrance a happy birthday! Winifred said that they should have tea later. Thorvald said they should get together later and make cookies. Astrid said they should play games later that afternoon. Lancaster said that later that evening they should visit the traveling carnival that had set up just outside of town! The carnival was spooky! Lancaster said the Ferris wheel was really weird!
Terrance had tea with Winifred the Kudu, made cookies with Thorvald the Alpaca, and played games with Astrid the Oryx! He had a delightful birthday! Then he went to see the carnival with Lancaster the Goat!
The carnival was spooky! The Ferris wheel was indeed really weird! It kind of looked like it was made of...bones?
Terrance wasn't sure he really wanted to ride a Ferris wheel made of bones, but Lancaster assured him that it would be fun. In fact, he was strangely insistent about it. Terrance thought Lancaster was acting a little oddly. Terrance thought Lancaster sounded funny. Terrance thought Lancaster looked a little off. What was that stuff stuck to his horns? Were those...cobwebs?
Oh no.
The lesson to be learned here is that birds have a more extensive knowledge of copyright laws than you might expect. That, and at least one of your friends is probably full of spiders.
Many people gave up at the part with the Ferris wheel made of bones. Some people made it to the bit with the well filled with snakes. Almost no one made it to the eldritch windmill. That horrible, horrible windmill. The shrieking of its grinding gears, and the ceaseless babbling of its sails made from - well, I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise.
Anyway, the point is that the story was scary enough to drive most people away before they reached the end. However, the story was not thwarted so easily.
Elements of the story would creep out and chase after the reader, trying to re-acquire their attention. As you might imagine, this strategy rarely met with success. If, for example, you abandoned reading a story because you were so unsettled by the idea of a well full of snakes whose constant slithering and hissing mingled into a nightmarish chorus endlessly whispering the names of the dead, and then you discovered that your own well was filled with such snakes, I doubt your first impulse would be to go back to read about even more snakes. But this didn't stop the story from trying. Really, nothing could stop the story. The story was relentless. Implacable. Inescapable.
But don't worry, the story that you are reading is about Terrance the Dancing Llama.
Terrance woke up early one morning to sunshine and singing birds. The birds were singing a legally distinct song about it being Terrance's birthday that would not require them to pay anyone any royalties, because it was Terrance's birthday! Terrance danced merrily into his kitchen, where he discovered that someone had snuck in while he was asleep and put up decorations and balloons and a giant banner that read "Happy Birthday Terrance!!!!" You or I would doubtless be terrified that someone who would string together four consecutive exclamation marks had broken into our home while we were asleep, but Terrance's life was one of such carefree bliss that this didn't concern him at all.
Terrance visited all of his friends while running his morning errands. There was Winifred the Kudu, Thorvald the Alpaca, Astrid the Oryx, and even Lancaster the Goat! Everyone said a cheerful "hello!" and wished Terrance a happy birthday! Winifred said that they should have tea later. Thorvald said they should get together later and make cookies. Astrid said they should play games later that afternoon. Lancaster said that later that evening they should visit the traveling carnival that had set up just outside of town! The carnival was spooky! Lancaster said the Ferris wheel was really weird!
Terrance had tea with Winifred the Kudu, made cookies with Thorvald the Alpaca, and played games with Astrid the Oryx! He had a delightful birthday! Then he went to see the carnival with Lancaster the Goat!
The carnival was spooky! The Ferris wheel was indeed really weird! It kind of looked like it was made of...bones?
Terrance wasn't sure he really wanted to ride a Ferris wheel made of bones, but Lancaster assured him that it would be fun. In fact, he was strangely insistent about it. Terrance thought Lancaster was acting a little oddly. Terrance thought Lancaster sounded funny. Terrance thought Lancaster looked a little off. What was that stuff stuck to his horns? Were those...cobwebs?
Oh no.
The lesson to be learned here is that birds have a more extensive knowledge of copyright laws than you might expect. That, and at least one of your friends is probably full of spiders.